pregnancy in T centralen

Pregnancy in T centralen

I am thinking, thinking of the pregnancy test’s instruction in toilet trash. Something eats me inside. Something laughs. Hey girl you didn’t come here to take a pregnancy test in central station, remember?

I’m remembering the blood, on the asphalt, your eyes, half dead. I’m sitting here, alone, looking at the red line which is telling me I’m not pregnant, remembering your eyes. Maybe you wanted to be a mother, I don’t know! We didn’t have chance to talk while we were walking. You smiled at me, I smiled back, both had hope about future, both were seeking freedom. We didn’t have any chance to talk. I didn’t ask your name, I looked at you like others, and you didn’t suppose to become important to me.

I’m sitting here not pregnant, alone. I’m like a child wants her mother. I want home, safety, security. I’m tired of these growing up process. You were there, on the asphalt. I was staring at you, no chance to ask your name. You didn’t smile anymore, neither me. Now you are here, in my mind even when I trying to find out the truth in public toilet in central station. You make me feel embrace of where I am, what I did.

 I’m not pregnant. The single red line smiles at me, I smile at it. Sitting in Mc Donald’s, thinking of all I read about the capitalism, eating food, chewing and swallowing capitalism. You are still there, in my mind. You nameless girl! I had to ask your name before your death. I was crying, looking at you there on the ground and kept crying , we were same age and the bullet chose you instead of me.Freedom is only good for dictionaries

Someone checking the pregnancy test several times. I’m eating my food, the capitalism production, thinking of your death, the dictatorship production and my pregnancy test result is there, safe in the pocket. Happy or not I’m thinking about Pope Benedict XVI who recently believes using condom may be able to be useful. 

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بی نقاب

It is about a week that I am thinking about the severity of life about a failure in which you are not culpable. Today I wrote: Sometimes gaining hope is not easy but it is necessary. Then be hopeful.


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